Make Out Lessons
by Beemo
Summary: Cartman wants to ask someone out, but he is very inexperienced at kissing, so he has no choice but to turn to his best friend for help, but one of them starts to feel something deeper for his friend than he should...CartmanXKenny
1. Prologue

**disclaimer:don't own it **

**Please R&R, if you do, I will thank you in my next chapter and R&R your story. Oh, and for the first line; Cartmans hair is quite long and goes down a little bit past his chin and over one eye like in my other story. Thats just how I picture his hair**.

Cartman combed his hair over one eye and looked into the mirror, he took a deep breath. There's no way in hell Kenny would agree to help him with this, but he had to try.

A little while later he was standing on Kenny's porch, what am I doing here? he asked himself,  
but he knocked anyway. The door opened "Cartman?" exclaimed Kenny "what are you doing here?".

"What, so I can't come and see my best friend at his house?" Cartman said, raising an eyebrow,  
"you know thats not what I mean" Kenny continued "I seem to recall you saying 'I don't want to go over the tracks to the ghetto where Kenny lives ever again' unless I'm mistaken".

Cartman sighed "well, acctually I need your help" Kenny raised an eyebrow, intregued "oh?" he said, folding his arms and leaning on the doorframe. Cartman continued "you see, there's this...uh...girl, and I kinda wanna ask...um...her out" he linked his fingers behind his back and shuffled his feet in the snow "well, I was wondering whether you could help me..." he stopped, it was too embarassing to say out loud so he whispered it in his friends ear.

Kenny froze "you want me to do WHAT!?" he said, "please Ken, I really need your help" Cartman begged, Kenny sighed, one look in those pleading green eyes could make the hardest of hearts melt, although the hardest of hearts was inside the boy standing in front of him.

He looked the boy up and down, he was a lot thinner than childhood, he had lost a lot of weight but he still had a little bit of adorable chubbiness around his face.

"Alright Cartman, you win, but you better not tell anyone I'm helping you with this or I'm out"  
he said, Cartman grinned "thank you sooo much! and do you really think I would tell anyone about this?!" he said. Kenny rolled his eyes "I guess not, anyway, lucky for you my parents aren't in"  
he said and stood aside to let Cartman in.

After closing the door, Cartman stood sheepishly in Kenny's living room "uh...can we do it in your room...you know, just in case someone comes in?" he said, "yeah, ok..." Kenny replied,  
taking Cartman's hand and leading him up the stairs.

They went into Kenny's room and locked the door behind them, then sat down on his bed "so...what exactly do you want me to do?" Kenny asked him, "uh...well, I need you to help me get better at kissing" Cartman said. "Ok, but what makes you think I'm any good at it?" Kenny continued,  
Cartman shrugged "I dunno, you're my only real friend I guess".

Kenny was touched, he never knew that he was Cartman's only real friend, he smiled "come here" he said and pulled his face towards him, pressing his lips onto Cartmans.

_Wow, this...isn't so bad acctually, I could get used to this,_ Kenny thought, he opened his mouth a little bit and brought Cartman closer.

_This is amazing,_ thought Cartman, _if anything tasted as good as this I would have given up eating a long time ago._

After about 2 minuites they broke apart, Cartman slowly opened his eyes "...wow" he whispered,  
"that was..." he started "...great?" Kenny finished for him. Cartman nodded and smiled "but...but this doesn't change anything between us, does it? we're still just best friends, nothing else"  
Kenny asked.

"Um...yeah, of course...just friends" Cartman said, Kenny smiled "good, do you wanna take a break or continue?" he asked, Cartman shrugged and Kenny leaned back in towards him.

Kenny may be a blonde, but anyone could detect the sadness in cartmans last sentence...

**Like it? Hate it? please tell me, leave any kind of review and I'll review yours. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, but its just the Prologue. I'll try to write the next one quickly.**

**-B**

**p.s. I'm also writing another story called Coffee-Flavoured Kisses, its CraigxTweek, look on my profile for more info on it, and I'm taking a short break from Blinded By Love-Gay Love That Is to write these two.**

**p.p.s. Thank you Zakuyoe for reminding me on capitals.**


	2. Chapter 1: Can You Trust A Jew?

Claimer: uh...of course I own South Park 

This is the real chapter one, the last one was a prologue, as I mentioned. I would like to thank TragicallyBeautifulGirl for reviewing my story, and keeping me writing ths story. you rock! I would also like to thank Unworthy for also reviewing.

**A/N:** if anyone wants a look at what Cartman looks like in this go on my profile then onto the link under my description of this story. That pic is what I think Cartman looks like in this,  
except for the hair, his hair is long in this.

oOo

Cartman turned to say bye to Kenny as he went out his door "bye Ken, thanks a lot" he said, Kenny smiled "no problem, but I just want to make sure nothing changes between us, this doesn't make us ...gay or anything?" he said.

Cartman shook his head "no...of course it doesn't" he said _its a bit to late for me though_. He turned around and walked slowly away, his hands in his pockets, watching the ground turn from wood, to concrete, to grass, to thick snow.

Kenny watched his friend leave, he had a concerned look on his face, _could...could that have possibly meant a lot more to Cartman than I expected?_ he thought, _no, it couldn't have_ he shook the thought out of his head as he closed the door.

oOo

Cartman flopped face down on his bed and sighed sadly into his pillow _I can't believe I'm in love with my best friend_ he thought, _how long can I go on pretending there's someone else I'm doing this for, when I just wanted to get closer to Kenny._

This was one of his more thought out plans, unfortunately it still wasn't very good. _Great job asshole, you dug the hole a bit too deep this time_ a small voice at the back of his head commented smugly.

_Shut up_ he thought back _don't you think I'm suffering enough?_ He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, _on the contrary, the suffering has just begun_ the voice said back. It laughed as he groaned and shoved his pillow over his face "just leave me alone" he said out loud.  
It seemed to get the message as it didn't say anything else after that.

He eventually fell asleep, still fully clothed and wearing shoes; but right now he didn't give a fuck.

When he woke up he was nearly blinded by the bright sunlight coming through the window, he noticed his pillow had fallen off in the night and it was lying on the floor. He sat up and yawned, picking up his pillow and putting it back on his bed.

Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and standing up, he looked in the mirror. His hair was all ruffled and his clothes were crumpled "hi faggot" he whispered to himself before tearing himself away and going downstairs.

His mom was in the kitchen, looking through bills "hi honey, you must have been tired" she said kindly, "yeah" he replied in a bored tone before collapsing on the sofa and switching on the T.V,  
he flicked through the channels;

_-And was forced to live off her own feces for several days-_

_-**BEEFCAKE!!**-_

_-Have myself a time, friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation, going down to-_

_-Say Phillip, you wanna see the northern lights?-_

_-All in all, the citizens of Manhatten are prepared to evacuate if Mrs Clintons' ass gets any bigger-_

_-You, yes **YOU** could have herpes-_

_-They mostly come at night...mostly-_

"They mostly come at night..mostly" Cartman imitated, sighing and turning off the T.V. 300 channels and fuck all to watch, great. He just lay on the sofa and stared at the ceiling for ten minuites before his mom noticed and came over.

"Whats the matter hon?" she asked, "nothing" he lied, she wasn't convinced "well, you know you can talk to me about anything if you want to" she said, "I know mom" he replied flatly before sitting up.

"I'm going out" he said, "ok, be back before dinner though" his mom said, he picked up his hat and put it on "I know mom". He went out the door and started walking, he had no freakin' clue where he was going but anywhere was better than just moping around at home.

Being gay had really destroyed Eric Cartman, it was too strange for him. He didn't know whether he was completely gay or just gay for Kenny, but either way; it sucked.

His feet seemed to take him to the park, no one was there so he went through the gate and sat down miserably on a swing, he watched his feet as he slowly pushed himself backwards and forwards.

He heard the gate open and feet crunching through the snow towards him "hi you fat asshole" Kyle said, sitting down next to him on one of the swings. "I'm not a fat asshole, I'm a stocky asshole!" Cartman said angrily, looking up to see Kyle sitting on one of the swings and Ike sitting on the other.

"So, what are you doing here?" Kyle continued, Cartman looked back at his feet "I could ask you the same question" he replied. "My mom told me to bring Ike here" Kyle said, "oh, well...I just sort of...found myself here I guess" Cartman told him.

"...Ok then" Kyle said, starting to swing gently, Ike was swinging really high and laughing loudly. Kyle looked up at him "you wouldn't think he's 11 the way he acts" he said, "I didn't even know he was 11 Kyle" Cartman laughed.

"I guess so...Cartman, can I ask you something?" Kyle said quietly, side-glancing at Ike; who was still consumed with the swing. "Technically, you just did" Cartman said, Kyle rolled his eyes "go ahead" Cartman continued.

"Well..you've been acting kinda different lately...can I ask why?" Kyle said, "I don't know what you're talking about Kyle" Cartman said nervously. Kyle wasn't buying it, "come on Cartman, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Whatever it is, I won't tell, I swear" he said.

Cartman sighed "you promise you won't laugh or tell anyone?" he said _NO, NO, don't tell the jew!  
are you completely nuts!?_ That voice was back, he chose to ignore it. "I promise" Kyle said,  
Cartman looked over at Ike before he said anything "uh...Ike, go play on the slide or something for a while" Kyle said.

Ike obediently ran off and Kyle turned back to Cartman "go on.." he said, Cartman sighed again "well...I kinda...like someone..." he said quietly. Kyle looked a little surprised "who?" he whispered, Cartman looked at his feet again.

Kyle tried to guess "Wendy?" "no" "Bebe?" "no" "Bertha?" "no" "Annie?" "no" "Heidi?" "no"  
"Millie?" Cartman sighed "no" "Lizzie?" "ew no!" "Sally?" "no" "Esther?" "no" "...Kenny?" Kyle guessed.

Cartman went pink and looked away, Kyle slowly raised a hand to his mouth "oh...my...god, Cartman you like Kenny?" he whispered "yeah, ha ha ha, its very funny" Cartman said sarcastically. "No, Cartman, I'm not going to laugh" Kyle said, Cartman looked at him, surprised "you're not?" he said "why?".

"Because you're my friend and I'm here for you" Kyle said "ok...whats the real reason?" Cartman said suspiciously, Kyle raised an eyebrow "just coz you would have another reason doesn't mean I will" he said.

"Whatever dude..." Cartman said, "so...how long?" Kyle continued, Cartman rolled his eyes "um...I dunno, quite a long time though" he said. Kyle didn't really know what to do or say after that, he just found out that his friend/enemy was gay, not something you hear every day.

"Does he know?" he said, Cartman let out a laugh "of course he doesn't know" he said, "oh...have you...have you kissed him yet" Kyle asked, just to keep the conversation going, he knew the answer was obviously a no. Cartman looked up at him, a pink tinge to his cheeks and a small smile on his mouth "...yeah" he said quietly, Kyle's mouth dropped "you have!?" he exclaimed.

Cartman's smile grew a little "yeah, I have" he said, Kyle was confused "but he doesn't know?" he asked, "no, he doesn't know" Cartman said. "How does that work?" Kyle asked, "don't worry, it's a long story" Cartman said.

Although he had just told Kyle the biggest secret of his life, he felt kinda good, it felt better to let someone know, even if that someone was a jew. "But I swear Kyle, if you tell **ANYONE** I will personally come and **KILL** you while you sleep, got it?!" he said, Kyle nodded "good..." Cartman said, looking back at his feet and swinging slowly.

Life is boring. Life is stupid. Life is gay.

But at the same time; Life is great...

oOo

**A/N:** OH MY GOD! I'm sooo sorry about how long it took me to write this, it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write, but I did it for you all, especially TragicallyBeautifulGirl who has waited all week. Sorry o.O!

Rock on!!

-B

p.s. I know this is completely random but it has been bugging me for ages; am I the only one who has noticed that Kenny looks just like number 4. off Codename Kids Next Door? They're both blondes with orange hoodies...weird...I got an orange hoodie in Primark on saturday for 4 pounds it rocks! I'm wearing it now.


End file.
